Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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