Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
