just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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