apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
