Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
