Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
