Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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