well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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