I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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