My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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