Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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