she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
