Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
