My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
