Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
