Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
These tits shall not be calmed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
