So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
