If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
