i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
