Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
