I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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