I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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