You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
