i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
