I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kiss
Puke
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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