I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
