Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
