i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
