Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
