Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
