Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You pole danced in your parka.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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