I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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