All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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