I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
