Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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