it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
