he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we should paint friendship bongs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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