just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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