I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize