the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
