We won't sleep together?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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