Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Two words: nipple clamps
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