after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
