The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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