AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
