dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
