You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
