I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
