Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
