weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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