This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
