Your dad touched me again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
