If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
