I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
