24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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