i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
