im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
