lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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