i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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