considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
