Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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