Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
