She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
