So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
