He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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