Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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