She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
