pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
