I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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