um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh god it's open bar.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
