I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
