WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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