What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
