The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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