i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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