names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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