god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize