You just made me feel so damn special
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
