I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
