We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
