Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
