I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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