I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
