I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need a sexual gate keeper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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