i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
