I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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