I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
