She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
