please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize