I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
