you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize