The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
