He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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