2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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