can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
