all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
