READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
