You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
