So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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