His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
