Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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