If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there was a trapeze. enough said
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
