i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
