god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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