If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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