looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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