She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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