Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
