i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
