At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
