i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
