u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
