Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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