he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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